Pastor YC "Psalm 127: 觉悟 and Sleep Well Again"

PS 127:2 In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat--for he grants sleep to those he loves.

I fell asleep and missed an appointment late last night. As I lay awake after the incident, physically tired but mentally (very) alert, I realised that I've operated in this mode for probably the past 15-20 years.

Late nights (studying or working) and perpetually lacking in sleep. Always ready to fall asleep in the day (yet I don't) and very active at night. In short, 20 years of body-abuse since BMT & OCS days.

Of course it's gotten worse over these years because of children and intense work. My ex-pastor once told me that "all the great men of God" slept very little but spent a lot of time praying. I think I somehow took that and felt it was ok to sleep less and do work.

• OCS - I learned mind over body when we averaged 4 hrs of sleep over 9 months
• My ex-Pastor - I distinctly made a change to accept sacrifice of sleep as "good". Today I no longer demand for my sleep time.
• HP & lay-ministry days - I effectively did 2 jobs and cut my sleep to 5hrs/day
• Project CRuSH startup days - I went to 4hrs/day trawling the internet

But I know God spoke very clearly yesterday in those moments awake - crystal clear. I've got to stop this pattern. Sleeping enough has to become the norm rather than exception or the occasional relief.

OK this is quite weird, to come to such a decision after 20 years. But I guess I've found my energy waning and just know that my body is tired. I think I can press on for many years, but I do not know how much energy I will have in my body to journey with my kids in their grown-up years and to be my wife's companion.

This will have to be the psalm I cling on to, as I make the adjustments to my living pattern. Somethings will have to go and I'll have to depend more on God to build the house :)