Psalm 80 means a lot to me personally (as a pastor) and as a member of FCBC.
I remembered how God called me to become a pastor even when was in school. I entered the ministry full of hope and confidence that I was going to be victorious as a pastor and glory lay ahead of me. Surely if God calls, then He must have prepared the road for me!
That got all shaken up when I went through the setbacks in ministry. Many of the people I failed to shepherd were the very same ones that I spent the most time with, gave the most to. The very areas of ministry I believe the Lord gave to me, I could not even teach my own people.
It was the same for FCBC - in the 1990s we were the "hottest church in town" - 12k members in those days when the "competition" were not even close. Yet in the recent years, my beloved church went through such a difficult patch and negative sentiments saturated the scene, both in and out of the church. More members left the church and very few christians would even consider coming.
Yet today, by God's sovereign hand, miraculously I received closure about all of these. At the Week of Sanctification meeting that we had at church, God simply pin-pointed the crux of the issues.
I was led to pray against all the negative comments and curses, especially of those from those who left unhappily. I prayed that the "arrows of slander" would not harm us and that God will deal with these.
On a personal front, amazingly I realised that what I could not get over was NOT forgiveness of past issues, it was letting go of present day expectations. In my honest sincerity (in my wife's words "你满单纯的"), I still harboured hopes and expectations that one day, these individuals will finally respond to my sincerity and love. I just could not believe that rejection could be the response towards self-sacrificing sincerity.Today I nailed all thsoe expectations to the cross. Jesus alone has met all those expectations. I can let them go.



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